yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
