he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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