it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
