I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
