I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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