the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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