sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
