we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
