have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
