so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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