Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
