I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
