dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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