It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
