He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
