im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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