I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A bitchslap is in order.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
