Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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