if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
