she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
