i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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