the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
