and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
