There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
