my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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