Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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