I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
