Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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