He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
