You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
