Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize