I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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