god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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