OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
