so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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