Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
