i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bring money and cleavage
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
