its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
