I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
