I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
