You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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