I wanna passion pit in your ass
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
