she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You took a bar mat shot.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
