i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize