Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
