69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
