So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Congratulations! We have a period
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