are you still at the devil's house?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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