I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
