she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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