I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
