just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
