Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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