i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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