I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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