yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
