How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
