We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
