Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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