I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
