Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
