just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
