he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize