She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
