bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
