So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize